I am a smoker. Ugh, just writing that is disgusting and depressing. And when I get depressed, I have a cigarette. So, I’ll be right back.
As I was saying, I am a smoker, and have been for the past 6 years. Wow. Since I turned 18, I have been smoking Marlboro lights. Some days I only will have three and some days I will knock off an entire pack without even thinking. I am not stupid or ignorant, I know that smoking kills, makes me age quicker, stains my teeth, gives me an off-putting smell, and yet still makes me look cool.
Every New Years Eve for the past three years, as part of my resolution list, I run to the local CVS and purchase the 50$ Nicotine patches and savor the taste of my “last ever cigarette” before the clock strikes midnight. Usually by 10:30am New Years Day I am back out on my patio, cigarette in hand, and excuses in progress.
“It’s the best cure for a hangover.”
“I already bought the pack, I might as well finish it”
“It’s not New Years Day in Australia yet.”
I have now started to really realize how much I do not need cigarettes. None of my friends smoke, so it isn’t even a social thrill anymore. I feel that I get judged, by new acquaintances or even people on the street. I don’t want a cigarette to define who I am. It is now turning into a lifestyle change, and not just a habit dropping. If I begin to cut out the things that go so well with a cigarette – coffee, red wine, stress, one night stands – I will be able to quit the habit that much easier.
So, finally, after years of putting it off, I am going to terminate the tabacco. For good, without any gums or patches or pills. And I think that with enough perseverance and determination, I can quit cold turkey.
This is my time. I have to quit. No ifs, ands, or butts.